I am an old soul.
Old-fashioned to a fault, sometimes. I love the scent of lavender, I cherish those quiet moments before dawn (…mind you, I need to be up in order to cherish them), I am slightly obsessed with writing letters and cursive, and I’ve got a thing for old clocks. My grandfather clock is still at home (yes, I have a grandfather clock) — but that’s only because I don’t have a spot in my apartment that will let it shine in its full glory. My apartment feels like 1920s Paris, and I love hats and gloves and red lips and old-time glamour… too much.
But that is besides the point.
I woke up today and realized that for the first time ever I am one hundred percent okay with being Valentine-less. More than okay. Happy. The cutesy things my couple-friends are doing? They’re adorable. I love hearing about them. But I’m absolutely content without any of that — and today is the first time I can remember feeling this way.
Memorable Valentine’s Days: fourth grade, I had a giant crush on Andrew Flemming (he was shorter than me)… so I bought him a teddy bear and left it under his desk. It was signed “Your Secret Admirer” — he never knew it was me. Sixth grade, Thomas brought me roses and chocolate and balloons to English class and my teacher made me hug him… I didn’t want to. Junior year, a boy from choir bought me a dozen roses and a card that said, “We could make beautiful music together.” I wasn’t sure what to do with that… he wasn’t my type. Those are my “memorable” Valentine’s Days.
Today, I am perfectly content watching those people around me who are blessed with a significant other celebrate the beautiful gift God has given them… and I am okay that I’m not there yet. One day, I will be. Till then, there’s just as much beauty in being single and celebrating my relationship with my family, my friends, and most of all, my God.
Even in this, though — I do want to touch on actual relationships. I was told last night that I am “so old-fashioned.” I don’t believe it was meant as a compliment… more as an insult, really — but what a joy it is to be old-fashioned!
I am old-fashioned. I’m the kind of gal who appreciates it when a guy opens the door for her, who loves getting flowers, who is tickled pink when someone leaves her a cute note… I’m also the kind of gal who cherishes communication more than anything, delights in dates to see the Symphony, and who would rather wait to hug (yes, hug) a boy she likes until well into the getting-to-know-you phase. Until then, handshakes it is! I don’t kiss-and-tell (really, I don’t kiss at all), and I’m picky about the men I choose to go on dates with.
And there you have it. Why am I content this year? The only reason I can truly come up with is that for the first time, I know that regardless of whether anyone other than myself sees it, I have worth. And I’m worth a man who will do all of those things. And I am waiting for that, period, the end.
I spent yesterday afternoon with an old friend, helping him create his Valentine’s Day surprise for his girlfriend Dira (who lives in the UK). Andrew and Dira met in Africa while attending Harvest Mission School, and they are head-over-heels in love… so it’s no surprise that this time next month, Andrew will probably be on a plane heading back overseas to serve God with the woman he loves. Andrew’s plan was to make a beautiful video showing how much he loved Dira, and my part in this was to take some pictures of Andrew showing different aspects of their relationship.
It was beautiful. I could not have been more blessed to help him.
Helping Andrew, I couldn’t help but think that that is what I am waiting for. Andrew and Dira are meant to be together — that much is evident. God is preparing someone wonderful for me just as he did for them, and all I have to do is be patient and cherish the time I have right now.
My friends: regardless of whether you have that special someone in your life or not… please know that you are so worthy and loved. That God has a plan for you and your life. There is so much joy to be found in life — I pray that you are finding it and living it, today and every day.
And just for your viewing pleasure — here are some of the shots of Andrew. Happy Valentine’s Day, readers!